Less Than Zero
I crashed my beautiful red VFR Friday July 3. It happened on the Blue Ridge Parkway and was witnessed by my friend Angel. I’m glad Angel was there because it was no small task to extract the bike from the brushy incline and wet grass. In fact a big thanks goes out to Angel, a Jeep Owner, and another kindly stranger who helped stop traffic whilst we muscled the VFR upright again.
So, what happened ? Obviously a skilled experienced pilot such as myself ( ahem) must have faced some type of overwhelming technical challenge or a laser death ray straight out of 1950s comics. Nope. Nothing dangerously glamorous like watching my Moto-GP heroes crash at warp speed and fly through the air ( high side ) or slide on their backs ( low side ) like some Ninja Turtle. The TV crashes I like to watch have the rider slide, get up, and walk away uninjured. Sometimes there is fist shaking afterwards. My crash was like this.
Turned onto the Parkway from Hwy 181. Headed North. Maybe ½ mile in. While accelerating past 35 mph glanced over at an overlook area. For whatever reason continued glancing backward ( No Hot Chicks just a Harley ) and when I returned my gaze to the road found myself to be on the far right edge. Instead of correcting my position to left of center I froze. Keith Code would refer to this as a Survival Reaction. The bike followed the right edge of the road into a conveniently located rut and onto wet grass. In less time than it takes to type this sentence, I was on the grass with the bike. Instead of impressing Angel with my wet grass sliding skills, recovering and getting back on the road, I went with plan B. The bike with me on board slithered left right and then flat onto the grass. Kerrr-Whump.
I extricated myself from beneath the VFR and leapt to my feet, charged with adrenaline. Nothing seemed terribly amiss with me. The VFR lay on it’s right side with the front pointed towards the road and the rear ensnared in vines and grass.
Two bicyclists happened upon the fresh crash scene. One of them made this inquiry ? “Is that ( my VFR lying on it’s side like a sick horse ) a Ducati ? “ No, it’s a Honda. I would have thought a more appropriate question would have been “Are You OK ?” but this apparently was not a Good-Samaritan cyclist, more like an Asshole-cyclist. Oh well. Earlier this year on a different ride I was temporarily stuck on the side of a country road ( close to home ) when an ( asshole ) cyclist said something along the lines of “Next Time Ride a Bike”. Perhaps they were related or this vitriol is something that cyclists have recently been taught to do. Hmmm. Having once avidly ridden pushbikes on and off road, I’m not sure if this was Karma at work. Not once in this life have I happened upon a crash scene ( on a bicycle ) and asked what make or model the crashed vehicle was in lieu of proffering assistance. You are supposed to offer assistance first then make any query s about vehicular pedigree afterwards.
Example : “Hi Need any help” ? Later after the passengers are OK or properly attended to you can opine (as the vehicle is being pulled out of the brush)” I think it probably was a Porsche 930 Turbo because it left the road backwards”.
I wrote earlier about different levels of messing up while on a ride. Let’s have a review of that list.
Understand the limit: Keep riding and smiling. Lets call that a positive one ( +1 )
Misinterpret the limit: Varying degrees of not smiling...
- 1; Momentarily crossing a double line on an empty road. Only you know you screwed up.
- 2; Momentary crossing into oncoming traffic. Horn blowing and fist waving only. Traumatizing others is anti-social activity !
- 3; Whatever the mistake was, you find it necessary to pull off the road and while stopped, ponder the meaning of life and controlling what you can for 10 minutes.
- 4; Running off the road, not hitting something, you are ok the bike is ok but, a change of underwear is advisable.
- 5; Running off the road, hitting something , and rendering the bike unrideable while you remain ok.
- 6; Like -5 except you require medical attention and EMS.
- 13; Running out of room off the road and over a cliff never to be seen or heard of again. I understand this can/has occured at Deal’s Gap.
On every ride my goal is to be +1 all the time. I have personally also experienced levels -1, -2,-3,-4 -4C -4Z.
- 4C; Running off the road, hitting something, you are ok the bike is not ok but, you can still ride it home. As the result of the “off”, It may be missing body work or you may be riding with recovered damaged body work strapped to the bike. Change of underwear still advisable.
-4Z; Running off the road ( Road Atlanta to be exact ) at a California Superbike School. You run off the track, dump the bike in Red Clay . The unfaired school- provided bike ( 600 Ninja ) is undamaged save for a slightly bent handlebar that gets straightened back at the pit. You don’t get to finish the session and
What we have in this Blue Ridge Parkway situation sounds like a 4C.
To get the bike pulled out of the tangles required a Jeep, a tow strap and three adults pushing and pulling in a somewhat co-ordinated fashion. After extracting the VFR and parking it on the right edge of the road, I thanked the Good Samaritans. The VFR in typical Honda fashion, started right up and idled fine. Angel wisely suggested that I slowly ride it back to the overlook and then check the damage.
Damage assessment was as follows.There was a small dent on the gas tank, a crack in the right rear cowling, a bent fairing bracket ( left side ) and the left front lower fairing had some broken tabs along with copious amounts of fine North Carolina dirt packed everywhere. Apparently both sides(Left+Right fairing ) had seen traumatic force ...wished there had been a video or maybe not. This crash was a category 4C Light. My riding shorts were clean. No body parts were missing on the VFR or me.
Guess the ride, now ruined, warranted turning tail and going straight home. Wrong answer. After this “break” in the action we continued with the original travel itinerary. North on the Parkway along the Lynn Cove Viaduct and Grandfather Mountain. Off the parkway to Blowing Rock via Hwy 221 which is normally a twisty excellent road but we were inconvenienced by some super slow pick up trucks that should have pulled over for us. Normally this situation would have been handled decisively but, I was a bit gun shy after my speedway worthy get off.
Hwy 321 is the direct mostly straight and boring way home . My confidence started coming back which meant at several stop lights we exercised our machines briskly when the lights turned green. I of course needed to exceed 100mph to make sure all systems were properly functioning on the VFR. It was Angel’s first trip to the Parkway...hope he wasn’t too traumatized by my shenanigans. My previously pristine VFR now has some battlescars....and an even lower opinion of my riding ability. The next morning my right thigh was sore along with a few fingers , and my right forearm had a bruise similar to one from a beating I could have received from my Ex with an extension cord ( I took a picture but, you don’t need to see it... the bruise not the Ex ). Thank You to Dainese and the ATGATT concept. Embrace it.
My goal when riding is to enjoy and not crash...or write about crashing later. In 9 years of SV650S ownership I never did. Have to go back to 2004 when I low-sided and pretty much destroyed cosmetically my 500 Interceptor. That was also a 4C. Rode it home with a bloody knee and a bruised shoulder and a twisted fork.
Ride alert, watch the road. Don’t crash although grass, even wet grass, is preferable to asphalt. Ask me how I know. The Friday a week before I felt like a Hero as I “dabbed” in front of some digital cameras on the Dragon. Hero to less than Zero in the blink of an eye. A lucky zero.
P.S.Not all bicycle riders are jerks either.
Ok some might be.
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